


what you mean to me

by ciscoscaitlin



Series: love me harder [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: 3x13, Alternate Ending - Canon Divergence, Angst, Episode Tag, F/M, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-31 06:23:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19420279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciscoscaitlin/pseuds/ciscoscaitlin
Summary: Caitlin is reeling over Cisco's suggestion back on Gorilla City.





	what you mean to me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a wild and random series I've been working on based on episodes that could have ended up with smut, because we all needed that lmao. Feel free to suggest future episodes / scenes you'd like to see. 
> 
> This one is based on the end of 3x13 where Caitlin doesn't end the day having a juicy steak with Julian (because wtf), but confronts Cisco about his suggestion for her to kill him back on Gorilla City. Because it annoyed me that we didn't get this conversation.

The moment she jumped through the breach and back onto her earth, the other four men following closely behind, Caitlin was already walking up the small steps and out the main door. Sparing a small smile at Iris and a polite nod with Joe. 

_“Is Caitlin okay? What happened?”_

_“There was an incident with Grodd, and she had to use her cold powers, so she’s probably still a little shaken up.”_

Caitlin shook her head, that had been the last thing on her mind. She had been able to cope using her powers better than she had thought, the rush of adrenaline coursing through her when they’d all looked at her like she was their only hope. All of them so desperate to be free of the clutches of a vengeful, telepathic gorilla, their suggestions had been reckless and made from desperation. Not considering the consequences of their decisions, or how it would impact on her particularly. 

Especially when she was at the forefront of all their schemes, and the aftermath of her actions would affect her the most. 

Cisco’s plan especially had unsettled her.

_“Grodd needs me to open up a breach to Earth one, what if I wasn’t alive to do that?”_

She still couldn’t shake his words from her head. 

_“You plan on dying?”_

_“Only if you kill me.”_

The resignation on his face. 

_“Look, this is something we have to consider. Right now, I can’t think of any other way to stop them, they’d have no other way of getting to Central City.”_

The acceptance in his dark eyes, staring at her so brokenly and lifeless. 

_“You want me to kill you?”_

_“Think about it. Grodd doesn’t know you have cold powers, you might be able to use them.”_

It made her feel like he _wanted_ to die.

That thought made her feel cold inside, the ice thoring her heart. 

She wasn’t sure if it was because of the mere thought of losing him tore her up inside, or because of how quickly he had come to that solution. 

Did he really think so low of himself, that his life was worth sacrificing over everyone else's? 

The possibility of losing him was beyond comprehension for her. For the last few years he’d played a pivotal role in her life. He’d been her crutch when she could barely keep herself from crashing to the ground, he’d held her up in his arms and told her _everything would be okay_ . Because _he was there_ and he would _always keep her safe_. 

So how could he break his promise and ask her to do the unthinkable? 

_God_ , she didn’t even want to think about it anymore. 

She just wanted to go home, rest her head on her soft pillow and sleep for the next forty eight hours. 

**...**

“Caitlin, wait up!”

Caitlin scrunched her eyes shut tight, pressing on the elevator call button more deliberately as she heard feet scuff against the floor behind her, edging closer and closer. A gentle hand tugged on her shoulder and turned her around.

She narrowed her eyes as she took him in, he was still wearing his red beanie and jacket zipped halfway. She folded her arms over her chest, the gesture posing as a barrier to prevent herself from pulling him close and wrapping him tight in her arms. 

Even if she was mad at him. 

“Are you okay?” Cisco asked, radiating concern as he stepped closer and invaded her space. “Did you lose control?”

Caitlin stepped back and collided sharply with the elevator doors, desperate to keep that distance between them. “No, I’m fine.”

He was unconvinced, eyes squinting in her direction. “Caitlin, come on, we promised no more secrets.”

Her lips pursed, jawline clenched as she shot daggers at him. “I said I’m fine! It’s been a long day and I just want to go home. I don’t know about you, but being held captive by a telepathic gorilla, that wants to take over the city, can be pretty exhausting.” 

Cisco backed off, face crumbled and arms wrapped around himself. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”

“You didn’t seem that worried about me turning evil when you wanted me to murder you,” Caitlin muttered under her breath, turning on her heel and pressed harder on the elevator call button. 

Where the hell was this goddamn elevator?

“Excuse me?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Cisco.” 

Cisco sighed, and rubbed his temple with his fingers. “Grodd wanted _me_ to open a breach so he could take over Central City, and destroy everything in his path. Who knows what damage he could have done, all the lives he could have taken!” He met her eyes, lips in a firm line. “My life over millions!”

Caitlin almost choked, feeling her throat close up. “We would have found another way, there’s always another way!”

“Not always, Caitlin. We got lucky this time around, but next time-”

“Next time, what?” She cut him off sharply, and turned round to face him again. “You want me to murder you in cold blood?”

He laughed pathetically, and it felt degrading and emotionless and heartless. Her heart cracked in her chest, and she desperately just wanted to yank it straight out of her chest so she never had to feel this way again.

“If it came down to it-”

“Oh, my god!” She threw her hands up, and hid her face behind her fingers. “I cannot believe I’m actually hearing this right now!”

Cisco sighed. “Caitlin-”

Caitlin shook her head, dropping her arms by her sides and enclosed her hands into tight fists. Taking a deep, concentrated breath, she stepped forward, looking him dead in the eye. 

He swallowed, a single teardrop on his cheek. 

“Cisco, I know that you’ve been struggling for a long time, and I’ll always be here for you,” she promised softly. “But how could you ask me to kill you?”

“I told you before,” Cisco croaked. “Grodd didn’t know you had cold powers."

“That’s not a good enough reason, because with or without you he still managed to find a way to this earth, and that’s not your fault. It’s not any of our fault.”

“I didn’t know that at the time,” he protested, and combed his fingers through his hair. “Caitlin, why are you making such a big deal out of this? It’s not like it actually happened, right? I’m still alive, aren’t I?” 

“Yes, thank god I didn’t have to kill you,” she said sarcastically. 

The elevator door finally pinged open and Caitlin stepped through the doors, shaking her head. 

She couldn’t even look at him anymore. 

“Caitlin, wait.”

She felt a gentle tug on her elbow, pulling her back out the elevator and a few inches closer to him than before. 

“I know you’re worried about becoming Killer Frost, and it wasn’t fair of me to ask you to put yourself at risk like that.” Cisco’s warm breath fanned over her face, and she inhaled sharply when his eyes bore into hers. “But please believe me when I say all I was thinking about was getting you out of there alive and unharmed.”

“Is that why you think I’m upset? Because you think I’m afraid of becoming Killer Frost if I killed you?”

He shrugged helplessly. 

She shook her head.

Caitlin raised her hands in the air and formed the palms of her hands into clenched fists, as she resisted the urge to reach out and _grab_ him. 

“Yes I’m afraid of becoming evil, that’ll always be something sitting in the back of mind. But it’s not the reason I’m upset. I’m upset because the person I love more than anything in this world asked _me_ to do the worst thing imaginable.” 

Cisco’s face broke, another teardrop on his cheek. 

“You asked me to kill you, like I could ever live without you, or live with myself if something ever happened to you.”

“Caitlin…”

“How can you not see how much you mean to me?”

She was a mere breath apart from him, and something screamed at her to touch him. To _show_ him how important he was to her. 

That he mattered. 

So she does, and closed that final distance between them.

Caitlin’s fingers tugged on his jacket and she pressed him against her, crushing her lips over his. He gasped against her mouth, an arm wrapping around her back and his other hand pressed against the wall behind her, walking her backwards until her back collided with it. 

The elevator doors close shut beside them, and her need for an escape was immediately forgotten. 

Their kisses are electric and it sent a spark down her spine and to the throbbing spot in between her legs. Prompting a moan from her when he nibbled on her bottom lip, and licked his tongue over the swollen spot.

“Caitlin.” Cisco pressed his forehead against hers, leaving one last lingering kiss on her lips. “Tell me.”

There was something vulnerable in his eyes, and it broke her heart that he didn't see himself the way she saw him. The utter disbelief on his face when she’d told him how much she loved him, like it was a foreign concept to him for someone to love him that much. 

And she cursed herself for not saying it sooner, and everyone else in his life for not saying it enough. 

Caitlin cradled his face in her hands, kissing him soft. 

“Everything. You mean _everything_ to me.”

His bottom lip trembled, more tears down his cheeks and landing on her thumbs. 

“Just please, _please_ don’t ever ask me to do that again, okay?”

Cisco nodded, pulled her close and buried his face deep into her neck. She stroked her fingers through his hair, and scraped her nails over the skin on the back of his neck. Pressing her cheek against his red beanie. 

He pulled away slightly and it was then when she felt his mouth pressing soft kisses over her neck, looking shyly up at her through his lashes. 

Her skin heated up and she took charge, grabbing his face back to her and sucked on his bottom lip. Enjoying the way he groaned at the back of his throat when she kissed him extra filthy. 

Caitlin kissed all over his face and down his neck, her fingers hastily reaching for the zipper of his coat, pulling the little piece of metal down to have access to the small dip in his collar bone. Something she’d took notice of whenever he wore an open button short. 

She licked her lips, and leaned down to press a gentle kiss over the small dip, feeling his skin shiver under her touch. 

She pulled back, catching the dark expression on his face and smirked against his lips when he kissed her again, pressing her more firmly into the wall. 

Cisco’s fingers pulled down her own zipper, his hands sneaked underneath her sweater and stroked the soft skin on her sides. 

She shivered, whimpering against his mouth when his hands trailed higher and traced the skin just underneath her bra. 

Caitlin ran her nails down his chest and over his stomach, drinking in his sharp intake of breath, stopping suddenly when she reaches his belt buckle. 

“Can I?”

They were best friends, and best friends weren’t supposed to touch each other like this, or kiss each other like this. But they’d already blurred the line between friendship and… whatever _this_ was. 

Caitlin had wanted _this_ for so long, she’d spent countless nights dreaming about it, and Cisco seemed to want it just as much as she did. 

But she had to be sure. 

Cisco’s expression was almost unreadable, his eyes a shade of lust she’d never seen before, at least never directed at her, and it made her heart pound in her chest. 

He nodded, exhaling lowly. 

Caitlin couldn't help but smile, watching his face closely when she'd undone his belt and flipped up the button of his jeans, slowly pulling down the zipper. Her eyes lighting up as his eyes closed and his mouth opened, gasping in pleasure when she'd slipped her hand in his boxers. 

She’d never seen him so… _relaxed_ and undone, withering under touch as she gripped her hand around him and moved it up and down in a faster pace. 

She wanted to see him break apart in front of her, so she leaned close and whispered sensually in his ear, grazing her teeth against his skin. 

Cisco whimpered, his hands a death grip on her hips, as he buried his face into her shoulder. 

Caitlin sensed he was closer over the edge, so she pressed against him harder and ran her thumb over the tip. 

His hands stopped over hers, immediately halting her actions. 

“As amazing as this is, I really don’t feel like exploding in my pants, and right now I would really like to fuck you against this wall.” 

Her eyes widened, taken aback by his crude words, and the thought of him doing just that to her, right now. The chance of them getting caught extremely high. 

But the thought of it sent nothing but thrills down to her core. 

She nodded. “That sounds like a really great idea.” 

Cisco smirked, tugging her hand out of his boxers and going straight for her leggings, sliding them down her legs and over her boots. Her underwear following closely behind. 

“Wait, do you have protection?” 

His eyes widened, “right, yes, yes, yes!” He shoved a hand in his pocket, pulling out his wallet and shuffled for a condom. Grinning smugly when he found one and showed it to her, ripping open the packet.

“You took condoms on our trip to Earth-2?”

Cisco shrugged, pushing his boxers down and slipped the condom on. “I like to come prepared..." He smirked. "I mean, you never know when it might come in handy."

Caitlin tugged him close to her, slipping her arms over the hood of his duffel coat as he hoisted her up in the air, her legs wrapped around his waist. “Like this, with me?” 

He pushed inside of her, and rubbed his nose against hers. “Especially with you.”

She gasped out, her fingers gripped onto the fluff of his hood and she tightened her legs around his hips.

**_ … _ **

Caitlin sighed out his name one last time, muffled by his kiss as he relaxed against her. 

They stayed like that for a while longer and held each other tight, until they heard voices down the long stretch of corridor, realising it was the others returning from the breach room. 

“Shit,” Cisco hissed in her ear. 

“Cisco!” Caitlin panicked, dropping her legs from his waist and fumbled for her clothes

“Caitlin, do you have a, uh?” He gestured to the used condom in his hand, once he’d pulled up his boxers and buckled up his jeans. 

“Um…” she pulled out a tissue from her pockets, he took it quickly, wrapping up the condom and shoved it in his coat pocket. 

“Hey,” Barry greeted them, Iris tucked into his side. “What are you guys doing?” 

Caitlin opened her mouth and shared a glance with Cisco, who was just as flustered as her. 

“We were, uh,” Cisco stammered, “just talking.” 

Iris raised an eyebrow, “Caitlin, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Long day,” 

Caitlin squirmed under Iris’ inquisitive stare, feeling like the journalist could see right through her, and all the dirty stuff she and Cisco had just done against the wall.

“Caitlin,” Julian popped out from behind Joe, and she’d almost forgot he was even there. “Would you like to go get some dinner?”

Caitlin scrunched her nose, “dinner?”

“You know, Julian,” Cisco interjected, wrapping an arm around Caitlin. “Caitlin would love to but she promised to help me... clean my oven.” 

“Clean your oven?” Iris repeated, folding her arms.

“Mhm.”

"Right now?" Barry questioned.

“Yes!” Caitlin helped, when she felt his hand squeeze her shoulder. “I promised him, like a while back. It’s pretty disgusting. A little inhumane. I don’t think he’s cleaned it since he moved in-“

“I think they got it, Caitlin,” Cisco cut her off, holding out his other hand to open a breach. “We best get to it, sorry Julian!” He pushed her through. 

The breach closed behind them in his apartment, and she turned to watch him shuffle off his coat and hat.

“We’re not really cleaning your oven, are we?” 

“Of course not,” he scoffed, zipping down her duffel coat and pushed it off her shoulders. 

He kissed her, and she sighed softly, resting her arms over his shoulders as he walked her across the apartment. 

Caitlin broke the kiss when she felt the back of her legs hit something solid, “Cisco, wait. Are we really doing this?”

He looked down shyly, playing with the end of her sweater. “If you want to.” 

She kissed him, cradling the back of his neck and pressed her forehead to his. “I really want to.”

“Me too.” 

“But there are still some things we need to talk about,” she whispered softly, gesturing to their heated conversation from earlier. 

He sighed, “I know, but it’s been a long day and I just really want to kiss you.” 

She knew he would take a lot more than just talking before he would open to her, but when he does she would be there and she’d listen to him. 

But for now he just needed to kiss her and hold her, and she was willing to grant him that, because she kind of needed it too. 

So she murmured a quiet “okay,” and smiled softly. 

Cisco kissed her, gently lowering her down over the arm of the couch, until her back hit his soft cushions and his body crawled over hers. 

“Oh and by the way, I’ll have you know my oven cleaning skills are _pristine_.” 

**Author's Note:**

> To note, keep in mind like, Caitlin's reaction kinda comes down to her being exhausted (emotionally and physically). On a normal day she would have approached the situation a lot more level-headed and sensitive, which is why I left it on a kinda open-ending that the conversation wasn't finished.


End file.
